The Ultimate Betrayal

Those of you who know me well (or have checked my profile) know that I love John LeCarre novels. I am a big fan of all types of spy vs. spy stories, real or invented and I am not fussy about what era they occur, as long as it's a riveting tale. I even like Bond stories, which is ironic, because John LeCarre apparently did not, and began writing his books as a response to what he felt were over-sexed, over-glamorized and downright silly representations of 'The Secret World'. The characters in John LeCarre's novels are decidedly not glamorous; his most beloved spy, George Smiley, is described as portly, stogy, fat...well, everything James Bond is not.

LeCarre fans will debate passionately about what they feel is his best work, but for me, it is 'Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy', a thinly disguised telling of the true story of Kim Philby, the infamous 'mole' in the British secret service. Like Philby, the fictional mole is a member of the privileged British class with an Oxbridge education. It was while he was in school in the thirties that he was recruited by the Soviet Union to become one of its most secret and devastating of agents. He is employed by what eventually became known as MI-5, the British version of our CIA. He rises to fairly high rank and it is well on to 30 years before he is discovered, after betraying all manner of secrets, including the names of some British agents working behind the Iron Curtain, one of whom gets a bullet in the back as a result of the mole's betrayal.

I just happened to be re-reading this right after Easter, and it put me in mind of Judas' betrayal and its aftermath. In LeCarre's story, everyone knows there is a mole, but no one knows who it is, so everybody suspects everybody else. After the mole is revealed, everyone's spirits are crushed. You see, he was one of them. They had offices next to one another, joked at the water cooler, went on 'business' trips together, knew each others' wives. Can you imagine if you discovered that someone in your office, school, church was a mole? And what, I wondered, were the disciples thinking when Jesus said one of them would betray Him? How disjointed and dispirited must they have been! And not only was one of their closest friends a betrayer, but then Jesus was immediately taken from them! The one person who could have made things better was ripped away from them as a result of the disciples' 'mole' and his betrayal.

Have you ever felt betrayed? Maybe on a grand scale, by a cheating spouse or abusive parent? Or on a smaller scale, by a friend who lies or a co-worker who steals from you? Betrayal hurts, no matter how big or small, no matter if it's public or private. It is a horrible feeling, a violation not just of rules but of trust itself. And it is one of the hardest things to recover from; once betrayed it is hard to ever trust again. Perhaps some of the disciples felt this way, too. What confusion, sadness, shock, guilt they must have endured during those three days!

Unlike the characters in LeCarre's story, it doesn't end there for us. We have the empty grave to look to, the power of healing and redemption and peace at our disposal. Jesus returned to His followers several times after His resurrection. He wanted them to know that the story did not end with betrayal and death.

Our stories of betrayal do not have to end there either. There is healing in Him; your pastor or counselor can help you find it. There is redemption in Him; the scriptures promise this to us over and over again. And there is peace in Him; the peace that comes through understanding and forgiveness.

May you find yourself blessed during this Eastertide.

The Easter Doubter

I have always loved the story of Thomas, the disciple. You know, Doubting Thomas. It remains one of my favorite parts of the Easter passages in scripture. I remember hearing the story in Sunday School and in church and at school in Bible class. And it always seemed to me that the story was taught in such a way as to keep me from ever questioning my faith. Much was made of the words Jesus said, "...blessed are they who have not seen and yet have believed." Appropriately so.

However, during my late teens and twenties, I went through a period of doubt. I was a journalism minor, and so learned to question everything I was told, for when you are interviewing someone, you always need to remember he could be lying to further his side of the story. Yes, it can lead to cynicism, but it gave me a valuable tool. You see, I was able to look at both sides of a question and do my best to put aside pre-conceived notions. About anything. Including my faith.

So for a time, I took everything I had been taught in Bible class and looked at it as though I didn't believe any of it. And oddly enough, over time I realized that I really did believe. Yes, there are a lot of things in the Bible that defy earthly explanation; there are texts that seem to contradict one another (just start with Genesis 1 & 2!). But faith is just that - a belief in that which cannot necessarily be proved by human standards, but which you still know to be true, and I realized that my faith was real and strong.

So I have always appreciated that God gave us the story of Thomas, the Doubter. I felt that Thomas got a bad rap, used by pastors and Sunday school teachers to stave off any murmurings of doubt among the faithful instead of thoughtfully addressing those doubts, as Jesus did. You see, Jesus could have rolled out any number of stories from the scriptures about doubters who "came around": Abram, David, Jonah just for starters. Then He could have used those examples to browbeat Thomas into conformity.

But He didn't. He thoughtfully addressed Thomas' doubts. He invited Thomas to touch His wounds. And then He gently invited Thomas to "...be not faithless, but believing."

Of course, in the face of such logic and grace, Thomas believed. Then Jesus does something interesting. He does not dwell on Thomas' doubt. He mentions it, but He instead chooses to focus on the positive - on those who believed without seeing. The only distinction is that those who do this are blessed.

After Jesus left, the disciples went out into the world to tell the story of His ministry, death and resurrection. Can you imagine the story Thomas had to tell? Think for a moment about the setting: a gathering of people, some who might be believers, but also many who were not. They were probably doubters, too. I mean, it is a pretty unlikely story. But then Thomas gets up and tells his tale; of how he doubted and now believes beyond any doubt. Of how he put his hands into Jesus' wounds and perhaps fell to his knees, and said, "My Lord and my God." Can you hear the breathless silence in the room as Thomas describes that moment? How many people were won over by the testimony of this former doubter? Maybe there was a purpose to his doubt.

I now look at my Doubting Thomas period as a blessing in disguise. I can see that there was a purpose to my doubt. No matter what anyone says, I have been on a journey of faith that has strengthened my belief in God. And I know that, while God would have blessed my doubtless faith, He still blesses me for other things. And, thankfully, that He never stopped loving me.

My Room

My wonderful Sister-In-Law sent me this today, and I loved it so much I wanted to share it.

This really resonated with me for two reasons: 1. I am NOT a morning person, and 2. I have had a particularly hard time waking up these past two days due to a combination of Daylight Savings Time and Benedryl. But, I think this will help me out. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Morning Motivation

When I woke up this morning lying in bed, I was asking myself,
"What are some of the secrets of life?"
The answer is right here in my room:

The Fan said.......Be Cool
The Roof said.....Aim High
The Window said.....See the World
The Clock said......Every Minute is Precious
The Mirror said.......Reflect Before You Act
The Calendar said......Be Up to Date
The Door said......Push for your Goals

For now, I'll start with the Fan and the Roof, since I will be able to see them both at the same time!

Have a great morning tomorrow!


(If anyone knows who wrote this, please let me know and I will credit him or her.)

'Sometimes stumbling blocks can be stepping stones.' Rev. Carolyn Barsdale

Perpetual optimism is a force mulitplier.
- Colin Powell

Lord, I offer you this day...With everything I do and say...

Great day, projects going well, business where I want it and kids giggling in the pool. Good life.