The Easter Doubter

I have always loved the story of Thomas, the disciple. You know, Doubting Thomas. It remains one of my favorite parts of the Easter passages in scripture. I remember hearing the story in Sunday School and in church and at school in Bible class. And it always seemed to me that the story was taught in such a way as to keep me from ever questioning my faith. Much was made of the words Jesus said, "...blessed are they who have not seen and yet have believed." Appropriately so.

However, during my late teens and twenties, I went through a period of doubt. I was a journalism minor, and so learned to question everything I was told, for when you are interviewing someone, you always need to remember he could be lying to further his side of the story. Yes, it can lead to cynicism, but it gave me a valuable tool. You see, I was able to look at both sides of a question and do my best to put aside pre-conceived notions. About anything. Including my faith.

So for a time, I took everything I had been taught in Bible class and looked at it as though I didn't believe any of it. And oddly enough, over time I realized that I really did believe. Yes, there are a lot of things in the Bible that defy earthly explanation; there are texts that seem to contradict one another (just start with Genesis 1 & 2!). But faith is just that - a belief in that which cannot necessarily be proved by human standards, but which you still know to be true, and I realized that my faith was real and strong.

So I have always appreciated that God gave us the story of Thomas, the Doubter. I felt that Thomas got a bad rap, used by pastors and Sunday school teachers to stave off any murmurings of doubt among the faithful instead of thoughtfully addressing those doubts, as Jesus did. You see, Jesus could have rolled out any number of stories from the scriptures about doubters who "came around": Abram, David, Jonah just for starters. Then He could have used those examples to browbeat Thomas into conformity.

But He didn't. He thoughtfully addressed Thomas' doubts. He invited Thomas to touch His wounds. And then He gently invited Thomas to "...be not faithless, but believing."

Of course, in the face of such logic and grace, Thomas believed. Then Jesus does something interesting. He does not dwell on Thomas' doubt. He mentions it, but He instead chooses to focus on the positive - on those who believed without seeing. The only distinction is that those who do this are blessed.

After Jesus left, the disciples went out into the world to tell the story of His ministry, death and resurrection. Can you imagine the story Thomas had to tell? Think for a moment about the setting: a gathering of people, some who might be believers, but also many who were not. They were probably doubters, too. I mean, it is a pretty unlikely story. But then Thomas gets up and tells his tale; of how he doubted and now believes beyond any doubt. Of how he put his hands into Jesus' wounds and perhaps fell to his knees, and said, "My Lord and my God." Can you hear the breathless silence in the room as Thomas describes that moment? How many people were won over by the testimony of this former doubter? Maybe there was a purpose to his doubt.

I now look at my Doubting Thomas period as a blessing in disguise. I can see that there was a purpose to my doubt. No matter what anyone says, I have been on a journey of faith that has strengthened my belief in God. And I know that, while God would have blessed my doubtless faith, He still blesses me for other things. And, thankfully, that He never stopped loving me.